Definitely feels weird. I've never not had a job. For the first time in my life since college, and even in college I worked for Crimson Callers and Bon Apetit, I'll be working for no one. It's a scary thought.
Freedom is a blessing and a curse. It's great to be able to do whatever I want. But it's a gut-punch knowing that at the end of the month, no paycheck is going to show up in my bank account.
I consider myself entrepreneurial and freedom is more a blessing than a curse for entrepreneurs. It gives me the freedom to work on a couple projects, which I'm excited about. But it doesn't mean I'm immune to worry or nonmotivation. I definitely am.
I worry that I won't make enough money and that no one will respect me. In today's world, your salary equates to your worth as an individual. Your title makes a statement, whether you want it to or not. Your company's reputation and brand are your reputation and brand. On Monday, I won't have any of it -- no salary, no title, no company or brand.
Just me.
As a believer, I know that in my heart I'm evil. And that the desires of my flesh are warring against the desires of the Spirit, who resides in me. If the Spirit is in control, there is freedom in a joyful positive way. If the flesh is in control, there is freedom in a selfish, dark, and negative way... the latter is what scares me.
The Lord has blessed me with people and experiences and a mind for business such that I am not afraid. I'm not afraid because I have a good King who is in ultimate control. I'm not afraid because this life is not the end, but a stepping stone into the next, grander one. I'm not afraid because I have a spouse, family, and friends who love me unconditionally. I'm not afraid because I have so much good work ahead of me that I enjoy and that will make an impact in people's lives.